


I Offer You Explanations Of Yourself

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossover, Drama, Established Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-15
Updated: 2009-06-14
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:04:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: [Fifth in the J2 CSI 'Verse] Three months ago, Jared Padalecki wanted nothing more than fame, fortune, and that fickle Hollywood dream. Now, he can't imagine his life without Jensen. But after Jensen's secret was revealed, Jared walked away, angry and afraid, and he's no longer sure what their future holds. Jared knows they're meant to be together, but with a killer on the loose and his relationship in pieces, does that even matter?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**I Offer You Explanations Of Yourself**

 

**series.** [J2 CSI 'Verse](http://kelleigh.livejournal.com/222443.html#cutid3)

**rating.** NC-17

**pairing.** Jared/Jensen. Former Nick Stokes/Jensen Ackles.

**words.** 15,000

**summary.** Three months ago, Jared Padalecki wanted nothing more than fame, fortune, and that fickle Hollywood dream. Now, he can't imagine his life without Jensen. But after Jensen's secret was revealed, Jared walked away from his boyfriend, angry and afraid, and he's no longer sure what their future holds. Jared knows they're meant to be together, but with a killer on the loose and his relationship in pieces, does that even matter?

**n.b.** This is the fifth, and longest, part of the CSI 'Verse and is set immediately following [I Offer You The Lean Streets](http://kelleigh.livejournal.com/227776.html). All previous stories have been from Jensen's point of view, and this takes a look at how the boys came together, and how they move on, from Jared's perspective. Beta'ed by jumpuphigh and dedicated to everyone who still follows the series!

 

 

 

_Jensen's boss is saying something but Jared can't hear anything over the buzzing in his ears. The papers on the wall, the printed words and the stark forensic photographs are starting to get blurry._

_Jared's got to get out of here._

_He looks over at Jensen; his boyfriend's face is twisted like he's trying to speak but can't think of what to say. Jensen's already said he was sorry but Jared wants the_ 'why' _; why the hell Jensen kept this from him, why Jared couldn't be trusted with information about his own life. Jared's sure at least part of what he's thinking shows in his eyes and Jensen can see it, but he pushes it away before Jensen opens his mouth and wrecks the tight hold Jared's trying to keep on himself._

_"_ Stop _, Jen." Jared tries to mask everything he feels but knows he's failing. The pain has got to show. "Just don't."_

_Jared doesn't look back at Jensen when he flees from the office. It's not until he gets outside that his chest goes tight and he's fighting invisible forces to get air in his lungs._

_How the hell did things get so fucked up?_

**NOW**

 

Despite spending three months in Las Vegas, Jared's hardly seen any of it. He's experienced enough of the desert city's charms and sins to last more than one lifetime, but experiencing isn't the same as _seeing_.

 

The taxi moves slowly through ever-crowded streets on its way back to Jensen's house. It's almost as if the Vegas strip is unavoidable no matter where you're going. All roads lead through Sin City.

 

Beyond that first dizzying week with Tom and his cronies, followed by meeting Jensen and the hearing, Jared hasn't spent any time in the casinos or lavish restaurants that make this city world famous. There are plenty of places to go away from the fanfare around Jensen's neighborhood - the two of them have found their own diners and quiet bars to frequent.

 

His cabbie hasn't said anything other than, "Where to?" Jared's a little thankful - one word and he's liable to start spilling his guts to the guy. His control is that fragile.

 

Jensen. _Fucking_ Jensen.

 

Jared can't wrap his mind around anything he's discovered in the last hour. He's starting to think that he does deserve his acting career after holding his composure long enough to get out of his boyfriend's office without totally spazzing in front of witnesses. Finding out you're being stalked by a homicidal psychopath has got to rank up there on the crazy scale along with discovering you're adopted or realizing your spouse has a secret identity as an assassin. Earlier, in their bedroom, when Jensen had quietly muttered that he had something to tell Jared, _this_ wasn't even close to the scenarios flashing through his mind. It could have been about Tom, or Jensen's job, but never....

 

After the tense reveal in Jensen's office, confronted with grainy pictures of himself and the visual reminders of a horrific crime, Jared had essentially run away, darting out of Jensen's office with hardly a word after refusing to listen to any kind of explanation. Jared's brain had taken him to that strange place between anger and shock where nothing Jared could say would have come out right and any pleas from Jensen would have fallen meaningless.

 

Jared thunks his head back against vinyl and tries to stretch his legs in the cramped foot well.

 

Vegas is a fucking _trip_.

 

For three months Jared hasn't really thought about his life here. After those first few weeks, it's been one non-decision after another - certainly not the way he's used to operating. His momma always cracked that he made 'hmming' and 'hawwing' into an art form, but living with Jensen was almost a given when their time together went so smoothly.

 

Until now.

~

**THREE MONTHS AGO.**

 

Willing his cell phone to ring has never worked for Jared. Not now, not when he first moved to L.A. and had his first audition for a television show, and not back in high school when he'd prayed for Shelby Curtis to call him back after their first date.

 

Jared's agent - hopefully Mark's _still_ his agent and hasn't sidelined him for someone with potential - is going to call. He's got to call soon or else Jared's facing, well, pretty much a black hole of nothing. That's what his career's going to be without a new job lined up. It had all been pure potential when Jared left Texas and now he's stuck waiting for a call that might not even be good news. All over a fucking commercial, as if one thirty-second spot selling bar-b-que sauce is going to help him pay the bills.

 

The tinny tones of _Dark Blue_ startle him. Fuck, it's not Mark.

 

"Hey, Momma."

 

"JT, I got your email this morning." Jared's straight-down Texan mother doesn't waste any time. "Have you really thought about this?"

 

Jared's fingers pinch the bridge of his nose. He's been awake since four a.m., full of worry and a little bit manic, and the email he sent his mom before sun-up was the result of a lot of internal drama. 

 

"Sorry, I was thinking too much last night."

 

He can hear his mom's eagerness. "No, I think it's a good idea, JT. Your dad's been talking about you going back to school since -"

 

"Momma."

 

"You could get a loan easily, especially if you come back to Texas."

 

It's exactly what he expects his mom to say and the knowledge that Jared can still predict these things gives him a little comfort. However, the thought of returning home makes Jared nervous. Everyone would know he'd failed to achieve his dream.

 

"I don't - I think I can stick it out a while longer."

 

"JT, it's all right."

 

"No," Jared covers. "I'm actually waiting for Mark to let me know about a job right now."

 

"Really?" He hates that his mom can read him like it's nothing. "Well, I'll let you go then."

 

"Thanks, Momma. I'll call you later."

 

"Good luck and call me anytime, JT."

 

Jared flips the phone closed and flicks it on the table. His forehead connects with the laminate surface and he groans. It's mid-morning now and the crowds in the coffee shop have thinned, leaving him mostly undisturbed in his usual hideout.

 

Jared sits there past noon, grabbing another cup of coffee and a chocolate chip muffin so Jeanne, the barista, won't kick him out. He already regrets the email to his mom, but he had been thinking about going back to school - even though twenty-seven is a bit old to be an undergrad - ever since Mark uttered that dreadful word.

 

_Commercials_.

 

There's no room for Jared to be picky - his landlord would love to keep getting Jared's rent. No one comes to Hollywood to do commercial work; Jared wants to be _famous_ , as cliché as it sounds.

 

"Jay man!"

 

Bleary eyes lift from the table to focus on the walking epitome of everything Jared wants.

 

"Hey, Tom!"

 

Tom Haviland looks like he's just had the night of his life - again. Mussed blonde hair, dark reflective shades, and clothes that let Jared know the young movie star isn't starting his day. Tom's winding down from the night before.

 

"What're you doing up so early?"

 

Jared's watch claims it's already past 12:30.

 

"Oh you know, catching up on some emails." Jared clears the university webpage off his desktop before Tom comes around the table to fold himself into the chair behind Jared. "Where'd you get dragged last night?"

 

Tom laughs the most ridiculously self-satisfied chuckle Jared's heard in a long time.

 

"You would not believe me, Jay man," Tom looks around as if there could be paparazzi hiding behind the trays of donuts or the gleaming chrome towers of the espresso machines. It wouldn't really surprise Jared seeing as Tom Haviland is stalked by every journalist and bottom-feeding photographer these days. "So Ray and I started off in Light's V.I.P. room and there were these Brazilian twins..."

 

The racy details Tom relates to Jared are so extraordinary that they've got to be the truth. That's Tom Haviland's life - one mind-blowing tale after another.

 

"...and then Brody Jenner tries to get in the limo with us but I kicked that douche bag to the curb with his trash-of-the-week and we took off to some party in the Hills..."

 

Jared and Tom used to be closer, a few years back when Jared got his start. Tom Haviland wasn't Hollywood's golden wild child then; he was always willing to use his connections to help out friends. Tom shared scripts and offered guest spots. Jared had been a beneficiary of Tom's years in the business - he'd landed his first movie role with Tom's help.

 

"I don't know, I think her dad owns half of the rain forest or something crazy. I wasn't listening 'cause she was just standing there taking off her top…'"

 

Maybe the two of them would have stayed close if Tom hadn't landed his role of a lifetime as some rebellious heart-throb that turned the once generous young man into a worldwide sensation. In an alternate reality, Tom and Jared could have hung out more and worked their way through the horror movie circuit , or gone back to try for prime time television.

 

"So I swear to God, man, every night of my life should be made into porn. Think I could sell the rights to my nightlife?"

 

Jared is so fucking jealous.

 

But he flashes a commiserating grin. "It’s worth a try, Tom. Someone would buy it."

 

_Because Tom Haviland can do no wrong._

 

Tom cracks the back of Jared's chair with his palm.

 

"That's what I'm saying! And speaking of my nightlife, Ray's got me a sweet package at the Palms in Sin City for a few days." The movie star's eyes flick over Jared's flip flops, wrinkled jeans, and worn Longhorns shirt with undisguised sympathy. "Hey, why don't you come with?"

 

"To Vegas?" Jared's hasn't been there in over a decade and he's positive the experience is a little less magnificent when you're fifteen and stuck with your cousins. Being a near-nobody in Hollywood means Jared works his ass off. Only the rich and famous get vacation time.

 

"Hell yeah! We'll find the most bangin' chicks - they always cream over the Hollywood types - and we can party for a while without all the bullshit here."

 

Jared curses his silent cell phone and Tom notices the way his eyes flick to the useless device.

 

"Waitin' on a call, Jay?"

 

Jared’s groan admits defeat. "Just waiting to hear about a commercial, dude."

 

" _Fuck_ commercials, Jay man," Tom says seriously, flipping his hair back with his sunglasses. "You're better than that. You know, when the going gets tough?"

 

"The tough get going?"

 

Tom grins, an expression that would have most tabloids shelling out thousands of dollars to get a shot of. 

 

"They get their asses to Vegas and have a little fun!"

 

"Right."

 

"Listen, just come with me and the boys and I promise," the other actor leans close, sincerity in his slightly blurry eyes, "I'll get you something better than a shitty commercial."

 

"Tom, you don't have to -"

 

"Hand to God, Jay! Now stop being a pussy and say yes."

 

He remembers a few years back when Tom and he were trading tips on parts and pulling pranks on haughty heiresses on set. This is still Tom, despite the hundred-dollar distressed t-shirt and styled hair.

 

"Sure man, why not?"

~

_Oh Jesus. Oh God - oh fucking God._

 

Jared mutters half a dozen prayers under his breath. 

 

_Please, let it all be a nightmare._

 

He shoves his cell phone in his pocket after scrolling uselessly through numbers. Who the _hell_ could he even call? The cop sticking to Jared like glue won't stop staring at him. The officer won't even tell him why he's stuck being held on the casino floor after Tom headed up to his suite and Ray, the asshole, completely disappeared.

 

"Can I go back to my room?" Jared attempts with a shaking voice.

 

"We need you to remain on the casino floor, Mr. Paladeck." 

 

_Padalecki_ , was that seriously so difficult? Jared swears he's already pronounced it half a dozen times.

 

"Your room was paid for by Mr. Haviland and it is being searched."

 

"Are you - what the heck are you looking for?"

 

The officer's blank stare isn't budging. "I'm sorry, I can't divulge that. Can you tell me if you've been with Mr. Haviland all night?"

 

Jared thinks back even while the cop's unwavering gaze bores holes in his memory.

 

"I was with him until we came back to the Palms and then we split up, yeah."

 

"So you weren't with Mr. Haviland after dinner?"

 

It's hard to keep his voice from trembling. _An alibi - he's asking for my fucking alibi!_

 

"No, like I told you, we took a limo from the Marquis and came back here." Jared repeats himself and prays that he sounds confident. "Tom and Ray wanted to party but I was beat. I only came back down here to see if I could meet up with them again. Ray wasn't answering his phone."

 

Right then, Jared catches sight of another man standing passively behind the cop. The newcomer's been listening carefully to their exchange, focusing on Jared. It's a different kind of stare than the cop’s, appraising and inquisitive, and Jared takes a deep breath in a vain attempt to relax. He catches a look passed between the officer and the other man - a somber nod and a subtle twist of neck.

 

And Jared suddenly gets it.

 

"They've arrested Tom for something, haven't they?" Jared directs his question to the new arrival and the uniformed officer takes a few steps away. Now Jared can read the new guy's jacket and process who he's dealing with.

 

LVPD CSI. ACKLES.

 

"Mr. Haviland has been taken into custody, yes," the crime scene investigator starts. Jared wonders if all cops and detectives are instructed to use that flat, emotionless tone. The guy's green eyes, on the other hand, are anything but flat. Flashing with the reflections of the lights ringing the casino floor, they watch Jared with an intensity he's not used to receiving.

 

Jared can't stop his hands from wringing together under the pressure; it's a nervous habit he's never kicked.

 

"What the hell happened?" Jared doesn't know if he means to say it aloud but something shifts in the other man's expression and it lifts some of the tension weighing Jared down.

 

The investigator begins spouting off an explanation to Jared in that same, dull monotone but stops when Jared's head droops to the floor.

 

_Murdered. Custody. Blood._

 

The things these new details have Jared's picturing churn his stomach and he tries to keep breathing through the whirling nausea.

 

Surprisingly the other man's voice softens and Jared meets his eyes.

 

"You're a friend of Mr. Haviland's?"

 

"Yeah," he croaks, coughing past it. "I'm Jared, um, Padalecki. Do you - I mean, should I spell it?"

 

And right there is the first hint of a smile - a kind expression reaching into those green eyes - Jared's seen since this nightmare started. Jared ends up talking, probably rambling. He'll never remember this conversation in detail because there's just too much. It's not an interrogation and this guy seems to give a shit about Jared. There's a little Texas ringing in the other man's voice and Jared allows the twang to soothe him.

 

Finally Jared hears, "my name is Jensen, by the way. Jensen Ackles." 

 

He's holding out a card and Jared's glad his fingers aren't quivering when he takes it. The neurons in his brain aren't firing fast enough for a response so he stares while Jensen starts walking away.

 

"If you remember anything, don't hesitate to call me."

 

Jensen's already at the elevators when Jared's mouth joins the program already in progress.

 

"Okay."

~

_"Jensen Ackles. Leave a message or call the Las Vegas police department at 555-7600."_

 

Jared waits for the beep, fingers drumming on the hollow top of the fiberboard nightstand as red digital numbers click silently past midnight.

 

"Hey, Jensen, it's me, um, Jared. I just wanted to let you know that I moved out of the Palms and I'm staying at The Rocky Hill Inn now. Look, I know Tom's hearing continues in the morning, but I don't think I can go. I can't deal with him not - " Jared pauses and sighs, sure the sound is transmitted over the line anyway. "Never mind, but I won't be there. Can you call me when it's done, please? I want to see you tomorrow, okay? Have a good night."

 

He sets the phone down for only a second before realizing he didn't leave the room number. A quick text message remedies that and less than ten minutes later the phone beeps again.

 

_Don't worry. I'll call you._

 

Only with those words swirling in his mind can Jared finally drop down onto the mattress and breathe.

 

In the days since Tom's arrest and grand jury hearing, Jared's been a mess. Actually, he's been worse than that. He hasn't slept so little since his freshman year - his only year - at Texas when it was all papers, midterms, and parties full of strange, new desires. Now his mind's full of forgotten friendships - Tom hasn't even acknowledged him since the night the star was arrested and while it might be selfish of Jared, it still smarts - horrific details Jared's heard about the double homicide, and _Jensen's_ presence mixed with it all.

 

Everything coalesces into one mental battering ram that's assaulted Jared day and night. His emotional beating was banished only for a moment when Jared got to feel Jensen's lips on his in a warm, dusty parking lot. The heat of that morning had burned up from the pavement into the soles of Jared's feet, all the way up to where his mouth joined with Jensen's. The kiss, borne of unceasing thoughts and a desire he's sure was mutual, was able to quiet the raging emotions in his head for a few minutes of clarity. Jensen's mouth tasted of syrup, warm and laced with sugar, when his tongue met Jared's, and it was right then that Jared he made the decision to stay in Vegas until he'd seen all of this through.

 

But Jared's courage failed him when it came to Tom's hearing. The man seated at the front of the courtroom, his smile smug and fiendish whenever his lawyer spoke her turn, was haunting. That beady-eyed monster wasn't Tom. He certainly wasn't the man Jared had stayed up with so many nights in the past, joking and laughing until they were bleary and yawning on set the next day. Jared truly wants to be there for the Tom Haviland he knew, but he's not sure what happened to that man.

 

Jared tries to think only of Jensen now and of the strange times they've shared since the Palms. Though Jensen remains a relative stranger, Jared knows he wouldn't feel half as sane right now without the other man. From calming Jared’s mania to sharing his breakfast, every action tempers Jared's emotional frenzy until he starts feeling close to normal again.

 

On that morning outside the diner, Jensen had whispered "let's get through this hearing and we'll take it from there." Now the hearing is coming to a close and there is upon them.

 

He stretches to switch off the bedside lamp and the throbbing in his head abates with the darkness. Jared goes back to that first early morning after Tom was arrested, the initial manic phone call to Jensen when he'd started blurting his frustrations to someone he barely knew.

 

It had been like finding a new best friend in the sandbox when you're a kid. One story about the _awesome_ new fort you'd built and boom, there's an instant connection. After that you'd spill your guts to your new best buddy and all was right with the world. Or in your sandbox, anyway. 

 

That was Jensen; he'd walked straight into Jared's sandbox and picked up a bucket.

 

Trouble is Jensen doesn't know how important he's become to Jared. There's no one in L.A. for him to confess to, but Jared's attachment to the investigator can't just be the result of circumstance. It's _real_. It feels so fucking real.

 

And Jared's not leaving Vegas until Jensen knows it too.

~

There's a moment of hesitation before Jared opens the bathroom door. Steam fogs the mirror as it condenses and drips down the glass after his hot shower.

 

Out in the modest hotel room lies something Jared never expected to find. Last night Jensen had given Jared so much hope, one reason after another to think that this thing, this need that binds Jared to Jensen, worked both ways. The relief of the grand jury indictment and the ability to pursue what was happening between them had sparked low and caught - after Jensen had his _nap_ , anyway. Jared's no stranger to good sex - _great_ sex, even - but last night Jared was taken to a new level of instant intimacy. He never needed to explain himself once he had his arms wrapped around Jensen.

 

Tucking the towel more tightly around his waist, Jared draws a deep breath and opens the door, letting the remaining steam cloud into the bedroom. Jensen's still sprawled on the bed looking tired and in no hurry to get dressed and leave. If Jensen was planning to ditch Jared, he'd have done it already. The fact that the investigator's still here has Jared's heart pondering all kinds of possibilities.

 

He finally manages to open his mouth. "Morning."

 

"Is it?" Jensen blinks bleary eyes, skin crinkling at the corners. "You know, usually I'm sleeping by the time morning rolls around."

 

Jared keeps his grin casual. "I never said you had to get out of bed." He quickly pulls on track pants and ditches the damp towel. "Staying there sounds like a pretty good plan."

 

"You're not going to kick me out?" Jensen's tone is light and joking but Jared shakes his head anyway. "Good," Jensen adds before he turns and rubs his face into the hotel pillow.

 

"I didn't say you could go back to sleep right now."

 

Jared sits on the mattress right at the curve of Jensen's spine. He leans over, Jensen rolling back so they can see each other. Jensen's green eyes are soft and it's the perfect chance for Jared to start talking. He wants to tell Jensen how much he needs him and yeah, maybe it's all happened too fast but Jared's not jumping into this lightly. Jared wants to say that he's not going anywhere - he'd seen the split-second fear of loss in Jensen's eyes last night and remembered fingers clutching tight.

 

The words don't come, though, and he's left falling into Jensen again as the other man's hand draws him into the day's first kiss. Without the right words or the will to speak, Jared decides he's going to _show_ Jensen what he's discovered; he'll inundate the man until bells and whistles sound for Jensen.

 

Pulling back from the soft kiss, Jared lets his mouth wander along Jensen's jaw, nipping at his earlobe and licking down his throat.

 

_I don't think I could have done this without you._

 

He drags the sheet away from Jensen's pale chest with barely a whisper of sound and Jared grants his lips the same gentle exploration across soft skin and lightly muscled curves. Jensen's hand curls tight in Jared's hair and he follows the easy guidance.

 

_Thank you._

 

He travels lower still until Jared's got Jensen's warm cock against his cheek and he can look up to see those wide eyes fixed on him. The fingers twisted at his scalp try to tug him away but Jared resists. He's exactly where he wants to be.

 

"Hey, let me," Jared whispers simply and Jensen's fingers resume their stroking.

 

_I want to do this._

 

The feel of Jensen's arousal on his lips, in his mouth, takes Jared by surprise. He's no novice at this either - no young actor escapes the party scene in L.A. - but with Jensen's eyes as a constant pressure and the small tremors of his thighs beneath Jared's hands, this act has never felt so indulgent or so important.

 

_There's no way I'm leaving you._

 

Jared keeps it slow and wet, not a race to get Jensen off as much as slow torture until Jensen's shaking and silently begging with his entire body. Even last night Jensen was the quieter partner. It left Jared to fill the silences with low, dirty words but he didn't mind. It makes every little moan and whimper out of Jensen's mouth that much more rewarding. But Jared doesn't feel the need to talk now; he wants to hear every sound Jensen makes.

 

His head moves up and down in a steady rhythm until Jensen whines and his hips buck up, driving his cock to the back of Jared's mouth. Jensen's hands immediately skim over Jared's cheeks in an apology while Jared's mouth adjusts and sinks back over him. It's too easy for Jared to push his pants down, undulating against the sheets and Jensen's calf as he's sucking and tonguing the blood-heavy flesh in his mouth.

 

_I want you, Jensen. I want you so badly._

 

It only takes a few minutes before Jensen's breath starts to hitch and sputter and he comes in Jared's mouth. The taste of Jensen, the sensation of his erection emptying and quivering as it hits all the taste buds on Jared's tongue, is enough to have Jared rutting gracelessly. Rising off Jensen's softening dick, Jared presses his face into the groove of the other man's hip and muffles his moans in the sweaty skin there when he spills on the sheets beneath.

 

Jensen's as boneless and relaxed as he'd been last night, but looks even more gorgeous with the sun on him. Kissing over Jensen's hip and along his arm, Jared lets the fine hair tickle his lips before he settles back alongside Jensen.

 

"Morning," Jared repeats, meeting Jensen's sated stare full on.

 

"What was that you said about staying in bed all day?" Jensen asks even as the last words are obliterated by a long yawn.

 

The investigator's warm, open smile makes Jared think his silent messages were picked up on, if not fully accepted yet. It's enough for now and Jared lets the bright morning drag on while he and Jensen do their best to banish their inner demons and ignore the world beyond the edge of their mattress.

~

**NOW**

 

Jared hands the cab driver a twenty dollar bill and doesn't stick around for change when he gets out of the taxi in Jensen's driveway. His truck's sitting there in the turn-around; Jensen's Tahoe gets the single garage. The house is quiet and Jared half expects it to feel different when he walks through the front door considering everything he's learned this morning.

 

But it's still comfortably familiar, as much Jared's space now as it is Jensen's. Anger won't change the fact that this - not the cramped apartment in L.A. - is home.

 

And fuck, Jared is angry.

 

There's nothing in recent memory that has had Jared as livid as Jensen's - no, it wasn't a betrayal. His boyfriend wanted to protect him and while Jared hadn't let Jensen tell him, he knew the other man's intentions were good. No, Jared's pissed at Jensen's _stupidity_.

 

Really, neither man's been having a run of smart decisions lately. First Jensen hiding the threat from Jared and naively thinking that was the better plan. But Jared had just walked out on him and barely looked back.

 

Jared couldn't have let Jensen start talking when they were in his office. Right before he walked out he _knew_ Jensen was going to say something; he would have tried to explain or begged Jared to stay. Jared deserved an explanation, needed every detail of what the hell was happening, but if Jensen had opened his mouth, Jared knew exactly what he would have heard. His boyfriend would have blamed himself entirely, absorbed the guilt until he was sweating with it because Jensen thought it was his fault. Jensen would have hated himself, thinking he put Jared in danger and it would have started to rip the investigator apart.

 

And Jared just abandoned him like a stupid, fucking _idiot_.

 

Beating himself up won't help so Jared sits at the kitchen counter and tries to think. His fingers itch to call Jensen but he doesn't reach for the phone. Time apart will give them a chance to see what this messed up situation's done and highlight the obstacles they both need to face.

 

As much as he regrets leaving Jensen alone, it was the right thing to do no matter how it must have looked. Leaving allowed Jared to see Jensen's guilt and silence for what it was. It also told Jensen that Jared's had enough of the investigator's tendency to hide things.

 

Three months together wasn't an eternity, but Jared knows Jensen pretty well by now. But maybe there are things he's overlooked, brushed to the side in the wake of their easy connection and slide into cohabitation.

 

Alone now, Jared's got nothing to do but _think_ and relive the last twenty four hours over and over. It's painful to remember how things started when Jared got back to Vegas and shared the good news about his show. Jensen had looked so proud, so happy for him. Then Jared recalls their passionate reunion and holding Jensen's trembling form through the nightmares that were never admitted to or explained.

 

Jared might have known then that something was seriously wrong but he swept his concerns away, just glad to be back with Jensen.

~

**ONE MONTH AGO**

 

_A Rush of Blood to the Head_ clicks back to the first track; Jared shuts off the stereo and grabs his cell phone. 

 

There's not much traffic on Highway 15, too early for rush hour and no throngs of vacationers between L.A. and Vegas this morning. The sun is up now, and across the country in Texas, his mom should be awake.

 

"Hey, JT," his momma's cheery voice rivals the sunrise. "You're up early."

 

"I'm on the road right now - heading back to Las Vegas."

 

"Back?"

 

With everything that's happened, he forgets he hasn't really talked to his family since right after Tom's hearing.

 

"Guess I have a lot to catch you up on, huh?"

 

"You certainly do, young man." Her voice is chiding but his mom could never stay mad at him, even with nearly two months of very little contact. "What ever happened to that job Mark was supposed to call you about?"

 

There's no use laying the past month out in detail; she doesn't need to know how he'd been desperate for even a commercial before he met Jensen.

 

"He found me a television pilot and I've been working on that for a few weeks."

 

"Oh JT, I'm so proud of you!"

 

He lets his mom gush for a moment and fills her in on the details he's gotten about _Key of Solomon_ and his character, F.B.I. Agent Winchester.

 

"But if the show's filming in the city, why are you driving to Las Vegas?"

 

Jared hears the slight wariness in her tone - she knew about Tom Haviland already and that Jared had stayed in Las Vegas for a few weeks after the hearing. As far as _why_....

 

"I met someone, Momma."

 

"Someone in Las Vegas?"

 

"After Tom was - after his hearing, there was this investigator, one of the crime scene guys, and we hit it off." It sounds strange to Jared, trying to explain Jensen to someone else. There's no way to really put their relationship into words - from the way they met to the draw Jared still feels whenever they're split up.

 

"So you're going to visit him, then?"

 

He wonders if his mom's purposefully being obtuse just so Jared will spell it out for her. Mothers are sneaky like that.

 

"Actually, I've been living with him whenever I'm not filming in L.A." Jared's expecting the silence, so he just keeps talking. "He's a great man, Mom. His name's Jensen and he's so brilliant - actually he's one of the supervisors for the entire Las Vegas Crime Lab."

 

"It's only been a few months and you're already living together?"

 

"Trust me, if you knew Jensen you'd understand. If you realized everything that's happened..."

 

"I thought you wanted to stick it out in Hollywood, JT, and come home if things didn't work out."

 

"But see," Jared tries to laugh, "things _have_ worked out. I'm working on a great show and Jensen..." he pauses, trying to think of another way to say it, but the words sound right. "I think Jensen's _it_ for me, mom."

 

Jared's mom goes quiet at that, too. He's never said it aloud though the thought has manifested several times over in his mind. He and Jensen had worked past the first weeks of desperately clinging each other after Tom's arrest. Jensen needed someone to see the wounds Vegas had left on him and help him start to heal; Jared was looking for someone to hold onto amongst the uncertainty that stemmed from his broken friendship with Tom, the career that was going nowhere, and the possibility of failing to achieve his dreams. They'd settled into something so _good_ , and it got better every time they were together.

 

No relationship is without its closeted skeletons, Jared knows; that's further evidenced by Jensen's strange behavior before he left for _Solomon's_ promo work. Jared had a feeling the root of the problem has something to do with Jensen's work. He can remember well the things Jensen told him when they first got together - people were capable of horrific things. Maybe Jensen just thought Jared didn't want to hear it anymore or that keeping the hardships of his job from Jared was the better course. When he gets back, he'll make sure Jensen knows just how ready Jared is to listen and help him through this thing that's got him on edge. Whatever it is, it's not enough to break them apart.

 

For all the twists and turns, Jared's made his decision. Jensen is his and he definitely wouldn't mind if his boyfriend felt exactly the same way.

 

When his mom finally answers, it seems anti-climatic compared to the fireworks going off in Jared's head.

 

"I'm glad, JT," she says with measured words, but he can tell she's honestly happy for him. "Sounds like maybe everything starting to work out for you. I can't ask for anything more than that."

 

"It's all good, Momma, I promise," he reassures, pulling down the visor to block sun's rise in the East.

 

The conversation shifts to Jared's family and he listens happily while his mom relates the latest Padalecki clan's antics. They only make him more eager to get back to his home and he pushes a little harder on the gas pedal. The truck eats up the miles faster: every marker passed bringing him closer to Jensen.

~

**NOW**

 

The television is muted and Jared's not paying attention to whatever late-night comedian he's landed on. Jared's used to spending nights without Jensen, but he's never been this restless. There are usually scripts to look over, phone calls to make since no one in Los Angeles actually sleeps, and the 24-hour gym up the road he's always taking advantage of. Not even the thought of pounding his frustration out on the weight bench or indoor track is appealing.

 

There's no way Jared's going to escape his own mind tonight. If Jared had any kind of sense, he'd be more concerned with the fact that he's been threatened than with the issues of secrecy and trust this whole messy situation has brought up. Talk about some fucked up priorities, but there is no sense in thinking about the danger until he can actually talk to Jensen about it. He got the overview at the lab - Jensen will give him the details even if he has to drag it out of his boyfriend.

 

Jared realizes he should have called Jensen on his strange behavior sooner. A month ago when he came back from Los Angeles it had been so obvious that Jensen was bothered; the investigator's frustration nearly came between them until Jared had convinced him that no matter what was happening, Jared would listen. Then they both got lost in the idyllic week that followed, closer than ever and Jared full with the knowledge that he was living with the man he _loved_.

 

But there'd been a shift, subtle but recognizable, about three weeks ago and Jared, too caught up with his own happiness, let it slide. Every time he left for L.A. he could see the worry in Jensen's eyes even if there was a smile on his face. When Jared came back to Las Vegas, everything – his feelings and Jensen’s reactions - felt more intense.

 

Apparently they could talk about most anything except what mattered most.

 

It's happened before, Jared remembers. He recalls when he tried getting Jensen to admit that what they had was necessary and real, not just a fling to help them both get over Tom's trial. Neither one of them had been willing to bring the subject up first, each too afraid of the other's reaction. Once everything was out in the open, things had been so good.

 

And now they're torturing each other all over again. There's no other word for it. That thought has Jared reaching for the phone _again_ but he pulls back - he still has no idea what to say.

 

Maybe that's the problem.

 

Any argument Jared thinks of has been used already: wanting to be in Las Vegas, being there to listen whenever Jensen needs him. Making the effort to simplify what they have and not letting complications get in the way.

 

Jared stares at the ceiling, flickering with muted colors from the television, and wonders if he's been doing this all wrong.

 

There's only so much he can say to Jensen. It's time for Jared to do something, to settle whether or not their relationship is real and not some imbalanced fantasy.

 

He finally picks up his cell phone and clicks to a familiar number. As expected, Jared's agent sounds nowhere near sleep.

 

"Mark? It's Jared." He takes one last, deep breath as pieces of a plan start forming. "Listen - yeah, I _know_ it's late, don't lie to me. You weren't asleep. Anyway, do you remember what we were talking about before I left? That's what I'm calling about - I need your help."

~

 


	2. Chapter 2

~

Hours tick by and Jared's still alone in the house. He falls asleep on the couch before the sun comes up and wakes to the shrill ringing of his cell from where it's shoved underneath his arm.

 

Jared talks and plans with everyone from his agent to _Solomon’s_ producer. He paces the living room and mainlines coffee until the evening news comes on. It's been nearly twenty four hours without word from Jensen. Jared's about to go crazy so he changes for a quick, hard run to work the anxiety out of his body. Every long stride makes Jared feel better, clears away the clutter in his mind and allows him to see that he's doing the right thing.

 

Mark had called him crazy, although in a much louder and more colorful way, but Jared wasn't giving his agent a choice other than to go along. Jensen might fight his decision but Jared knows it's long past time for him to start thinking about the bigger picture.

 

He slows to a jog along Jensen's street, rhythm of foot and heart settling, feeling more at ease. When he lets himself back in the front door, Jared barely has a chance to notice that the house lights are all on before he's caught up in Jensen's arms, getting the breath squeezed out of him as his boyfriend mutters brokenly.

 

"Jare. _Jare_. I thought - you weren't here and I -"

 

Jensen doesn't have to finish for Jared to know what his boyfriend had been thinking. Going out for a run wasn't the best option but Jared's body didn't leave him a choice.

 

He tightens his arms around Jensen to stop the outpouring of words. Jared's already imagined everything Jensen could say, knowing it would gouge deep, but he's still surprised by the hurt clamping around his heart at _hearing_ it.

 

"I'm sorry - I'm so fucking sorry, Jare." Even muffled into his shoulder, Jared hears every ragged apology. "I should have told you but I _couldn't_. And God, the _dreams_ – after that I knew I had to tell you and you'd be pissed." 

 

Jared holds Jensen through another shuddered sob; he's _never_ seen Jensen like this.

 

"If you want to go," Jensen's wheezing, "I understand. Never thought you'd still be here and - _God_ , Jared, you can't leave me…"

 

Jared has to pull back and shake the investigator. "Jen, stop."

 

They're the same words Jared used in the lab and while they're gentler now, quiet and bolstering, Jensen flinches like he feels the same sting as earlier.

 

"Stop," Jared tries again, softer, and makes sure he's keeping hold of Jensen's hands. "Jen, _breathe_."

 

He waits the moment it takes for his boyfriend to come back from the verge of hyperventilation, but when Jared finally gets Jensen to calm enough and look up, the sight nearly breaks him.

 

Jensen's terrified. Jared's never seen fear like this in Jensen's eyes; it's not coming from the threat or Jensen's unsolved homicide. His boyfriend is scared that Jared would choose to leave because of Jensen's mistakes. He can see that Jensen's fear had kept him quiet until yesterday, but it's in the open now and Jared could callously turn around, break Jensen, and go straight back to Los Angeles.

 

While he's looking straight into Jared's eyes, Jensen's tremors slow until he's standing passively in Jared's loose grip. Jared can watch the terror disappear from wide, green eyes as Jensen comes to realize that Jared's standing with him, not going anywhere. When it's gone completely and Jensen lets go of a deep breath, Jared can talk.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Jensen nods. He looks as bad as Jared's been feeling - dark smudges beneath his eyes, hair mussed like fingers have run incessantly through the strands, and stubble that goes far beyond a five o'clock shadow. If he knows Jensen, the older man tried to sleep on that awful office couch but couldn't, adding to his disheveled look.

 

"I thought you'd be gone," Jensen repeats now that he's less agitated. "I fucked up."

 

"Yeah."

 

Jensen's head drops, hiding his expression from Jared. They're still tucked close in the hallway, the small space filled with apprehension.

 

"But, Jen, so did I."

 

Jensen looks confused; he isn't expecting Jared to shoulder any of the blame.

 

"No, Jare, it was me -"

 

"And I'm the one who walked out on you," Jared insists. "I never let you explain. But," he adds before Jensen can cut in, "I'm not going to let you talk now, either."

 

Being cramped together in the foyer isn't ideal for major relationship conversations.

 

"Hey," Jared pushes Jensen back slightly. "Do you mind if we move to the kitchen, or the couch?"

 

Jensen looks resigned, Jared really can't blame him for expecting the worst, but he leads them out through the kitchen anyway, settling into one of the dining room chairs. The room is basically Jared's now - the tabletop's usually taken over by scripts and Jared's computer whenever he's in Las Vegas. Jensen, almost purposefully, sits surrounded by the evidence that Jared doesn't live here, his things scattered wherever it's convenient, for as much as he thinks of this as home.

 

Even though Jensen had a hard time shutting up five minutes ago, he's suddenly quiet, leaving the silence for Jared to fill.

 

"Do you think this is a vacation for me, Jensen?"

 

Jared gets a surprised look from the investigator, eyebrows knitted at the unexpected question.

 

"Do you think I come and go when I please because there's nothing tying me to Las Vegas?" Jared sits in the closest chair and scoots forward so he's filling Jensen's space. 

 

His boyfriend tries to say something but snaps his mouth closed.

 

"I can't do this anymore, Jen," Jared sighs, reaching out and closing his fingers around Jensen's hand so the other man doesn't get the wrong impression. "I want to be _here_ , more than anything. I can't give up the show, but this is already home for me, don't you get it? I want you to realize it, too."

 

"Jare..."

 

"Don't you get it, Jen? I'm here to stay, I'm not going anywhere." The buzzing of the refrigerator’s compressor clicks off, leaving the house especially quiet. The added layer of silence gives more weight to Jared's words. "I am sorry if I ever let you think that I was capable of just walking away, because it's so far from the truth."

 

Now Jensen's looking at him, green eyes moving to his even as the investigator barely shifts.

 

"I called Mark today, and just about everyone else involved with the show," he explains. "I meant to tell you yesterday, but when we got the news about the show getting picked up, the producers wanted us to think about our schedules, the sort of thing we wanted to work out. I know I'm probably the least important actor in the ensemble -"

 

"No you're not," Jensen interjects, the words low and straightforward. The certainty warms Jared's heart, reinforcing the fact that he's made the right decision.

 

"Anyway," Jared continues as Jensen's fingers wrap around his in turn, "Mark told me that I'd probably be needed four days on set, and with the break between episodes that means I'll get four days off after four days working. I'll be _here_ ," he emphasizes, squeezing Jensen's hand, "as soon as I'm done in L.A, if you still want me to be?"

 

Jared trails off into a question. Despite Jensen's hurried and disjointed words earlier, maybe he'd reconsidered. There was always the chance that the investigator decided he didn't want Jared.

 

It's Jensen who moves this time to cut off Jared's train of thought; he's out of his chair and closing the mere inches between them to practically end up over Jared's legs. "God, Jared, you're the _only_ reason I've lasted this long here."

 

"I want this to be permanent -"

 

"It will be," Jensen says against his cheek, tickled by warm breath and soft stubble. "Because you belong here."

 

"I know, and I needed you to see that, to truly believe it."

 

"I do," Jensen insists, but Jared knows it's not that easy.

 

"That means you have to share things with me. Everything. You don't have to worry about me leaving because this is it for me, Jen."

 

Jensen's green eyes flash with emotion when Jared realizes what he's said. The same words he'd spoken to his mother over a month ago fall heavy now.

 

"You -" Jensen starts hesitantly, "are you sure?"

 

"I'm not a naive kid, Jensen. I've been trampled on, fired, fucked around with, harassed, and humiliated. But not once have I ever felt anything less than amazing when I'm with you."

 

The truth sounds so corny in Jared's ears but Jensen's face breaks into the most beautiful smile Jared's seen and he doesn't care what comes out of his mouth.

 

"When I left the lab, I was so pissed, but not at you," Jared says before the grin can disappear. "Yeah, you should have told me everything, but I think I'm starting to understand why you didn't and I want to fix it. This thing," he squeezes Jensen's arm, "needs to be official, not assumed."

 

Jensen's head tilts _just so_ as he regards Jared. 

 

"Jare," he finally says quietly, "are we going _steady_?"

 

It takes a moment for the sheer absurdity of that to get past Jared's seriousness. Suddenly he's laughing like a mad person, shaking and gripping tightly to Jensen on his lap. The tense mood is immediately and thankfully broken. Laughing and smiling with Jensen goes a long way to healing the damage caused over the last day.

 

Eventually they both go still as the hysteria passes. Jared could potentially stay like this until the sun comes up, but two grown men on a dining room chair isn't the smartest idea. The wood groans when he shifts and he pushes Jensen to his feet before standing.

 

Pulling his boyfriend back into a hug, Jared lets out a deep breath and gazes down at Jensen's relieved smile.

 

"I thought about calling you every twenty minutes today," Jared confesses. "I kept looking at my phone and -"

 

"Ten."

 

Jared holds Jensen's eyes even as the other man tries to look away. "What?"

 

"I picked up the phone every ten minutes."

 

Jared can’t help but kiss Jensen right then. The long day that felt more like a week is banished to the back of his mind – well, to the side. He chastely kisses away Jensen’s embarrassment and covers his own; neither man’s ever been prone to emotional declarations. With Jensen’s lips under his, the kiss quickly shifts when Jensen makes a sound that’s half relief and half satisfaction.

 

Feeling Jensen’s stubble on his lips and cheek, Jared realizes they both look worse for wear. The sweat from his run has dried on Jared’s skin and Jensen smells like stale coffee and generic hand soap, but he barely cares. Jared can stand here, arms around Jensen’s waist as the investigator’s hands grip his back and curl behind his neck, mouths slick and hot together getting more forceful and intense, until someone’s legs give out. Feeling how Jensen starts to sag – and Jared’s own muscles remind him of the physical and psychological gamut he’s run today – that could happen any moment.

 

He regrets separating his lips from Jensen’s, even more so as his boyfriend leans further into his support, chasing the kiss and blinking distractedly when Jared keeps the distance. But it’s Jensen putting on the brakes when Jared starts leading them towards the back of the house.

 

“We still need to talk.”

 

“I know.” Jared weaves through the living room, around his scattered containers of junk food and pillows tossed randomly on the couch and floor. Silently, he vows to clean up tomorrow. “But not right now.”

 

The _need_ coursing through Jared, giving him energy where there ought to be none, isn’t unexpected. Jared’s done what he needed. He told Jensen everything. Now, he wants Jensen to _feel_ all of it and Jared’s craving the physical reassurance that they’re going to get past this.

 

In the bedroom, Jensen manages to stop them before Jared can topple them both onto the mattress. There's a light tug-of-war; Jared pulls while Jensen tries to separate them.

 

"Give me a minute, Jare. Please?"

 

Jared doesn't really trust Jensen not to fall asleep on his feet in the bathroom but he's willing to let go, hearing the soft snick of the door closing behind Jensen. He listens to the low hiss of running water, almost wishing he'd thought to wash up or take a shower, but Jared finds he can't move from his seat on the edge of the bed.

 

Even though it feels like only a moment ago, Jared's had hours to come to terms with his decisions. Jensen's gotten everything sprung on him in the last ten minutes. It doesn't surprise Jared that his boyfriend needed to escape.

 

Jared's still sitting when the bathroom door opens, light clicking off to leave most of the bedroom in the light shadow of early evening. Jensen's belt is gone; his shirt is unbuttoned and hanging open on his shoulders. Glasses have replaced contacts - Jared can see how just how red Jensen's eyes are - and Jensen's face has a pink, freshly washed tinge. The sight's so simple, so casual, and minus the obvious exhaustion, it's just about everything Jared wants to see for the rest of his life.

 

He doesn't whisper the three words on his lips when Jensen comes forward to stand between Jared's sprawled legs. Jensen looks down at him, eyes sleepy and soft, and the frenzy is gone from his expression.

 

"Are you okay?" Jared repeats instead, needing to be sure before he can really relax.

 

Jensen nods slowly and Jared exhales with a deep sigh of relief. His head dips forward, muscles releasing their last strands of tension, and rests against Jensen's stomach. He's able to feel the steady rhythm of his boyfriend's breathing - only fluttering when Jared lays a series of kisses, a touch of lips, around Jensen's navel. The rhythm tells him so much more than words ever could. Jensen's fingers card though his hair, comforting, and it almost lulls him into a stupor but Jared has other plans.

 

A sharp gasp from Jensen breaks the silence when Jared grabs him by the waist and spins them both down onto the bed. They bounce once and Jared laughs at Jensen's near-squeak. Jensen reaches over and lightly smacks Jared's shoulder, but he's grinning - the expression finally reaching green eyes. That was Jared's goal.

 

He looks at Jensen beneath him, the other man’s arms wound around Jared’s torso. Jared wants to have Jensen smiling and laughing again - as far from the haunted, terrified man he faced earlier - coming together with intimacy and affection like they’re supposed to. Serious, affirming sex, while passionate, hasn’t helped them in the past and just for a short time, Jared wants to leave the weighty issues behind. There’s no loss to come back from, only a grave misunderstanding. Jensen’s leg hooks around the back of his thigh to erase the remaining inches between them and dissolve the last wisps of Jared's scattered thoughts.

 

Jensen’s hands strip off Jared’s shirt and slide over his skin, claiming every inch. Arching up, the bow of his back beautiful, Jensen kisses over Jared’s sternum and when Jared retakes his mouth, he can taste the barest tang of his own sweat on Jensen’s tongue.

 

Jared pulls his mouth away; the arousal that was slow to ignite is finally burning in his blood.

 

“All right, we need to be naked _now_ ,” he growls impatiently. Jensen watches with an amused gaze as Jared tugs his shorts and underwear off.

 

“Was that the plan?” Jensen chuckles easily, feigning innocence while Jared’s eager fingers start unbuttoning and stripping Jensen’s pants.

 

When his boyfriend is bare, white shirt pushed off his arms and tossed away, Jared settles between Jensen’s propped knees and curls over him. Jensen’s hands wrap around Jared’s neck, keeping him close. Jared can see himself reflected in Jensen’s glasses so he takes those off too, setting them carefully aside. Now there’s nothing between them.

 

Jensen tries to twist over onto his stomach while Jared is looming above him, but only gets his lower body turned. Nudging forward until he's pressed against Jensen's upturned ass, Jared straddles one of Jensen's thighs, able to lean over and lick across Jensen's lips and moan deep from his stomach when Jensen's lips and teeth close over his tongue. The soft, fine hairs on the back of Jensen's legs tickle Jared's abs and groin, making him shiver and rut against Jensen. 

 

With one hand bracing him, Jared takes the other and rubs over the pale cheeks of Jensen's ass, dipping between to feel the soft skin there. He almost can't get enough of the way the intimate touch in shadowed places has Jensen pressing into the rumpled comforter beneath, whining Jared's name quietly.

 

Reaching between his boyfriend's legs, Jared wraps his palm around Jensen's thickening shaft, biting and kissing down the broad line of Jensen's ribs. He groans as Jensen reaches back, panting and squirming, to grip his dick and stroke in time. Jared's nose drags along Jensen's side while they work each other to hardness; their breathing getting more and more ragged.

 

“You’re mine tonight,” Jared whispers, not really meaning to say it aloud. There’s no embarrassment when he meets Jensen’s hazy eyes while they’re jerking each other. He doesn’t expect Jensen to protest and anything he’s going to say is drowned in a rough moan as Jared’s fingers abandon his shaft and drift lower across Jensen’s sac. The skin there is so warm, so easy to manipulate; toying with it brings the most erotic sounds tumbling out of Jensen.

 

Snatching the bottle of lube from where it ended up on the floor two nights ago, Jared returns swiftly to his place above Jensen. His energy spikes at the sight laid out on their bed – Jensen's fully turned on his stomach, green eyes watching from where Jensen’s neck is craned to see, strong back curved down to Jensen’s ass and legs spread wide just anticipating Jared pushing between. Jensen’s low whine at the first finger makes Jared lean forward into a kiss. Jensen’s tongue slides into his mouth with a lazy rhythm, like that taken up by Jared’s slippery fingers.

 

Jared draws out the slick, shallow torture despite being ridiculously turned on by the slow undulations of Jensen beneath him. He knows that Jensen feels safe – calm and protected - when Jared blankets him like this, but the sensations create a similar feeling for Jared. 

 

No matter what else is between them, Jensen’s the man who rescued Jared from himself – from the inevitable breakdown that would have surfaced if not for the green-eyed man pressing back into his arms. Jensen’s the only one he wants, the man Jared knows he is perfect for, and he needs the reassurance of being able to bend Jensen to his body and feel complete. Physically, it’s the closest they can get to each other and Jared needs that now more than ever, when the cracks appear.

 

“Jare,” Jensen moans, the interruption preventing Jared from getting lost in his own head. “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”

 

He gives himself a mental shake and breathes a low, hushed chuckle. “Want you to lose your mind, Jen.” Jared pushes three fingers into Jensen, stretching tight muscles. “Need to feel you around me – tight, like I’m never gonna leave.”

 

When he finally slides into Jensen’s body, the feeling’s always unlike anything else Jared’s known in his life. If Jared was more sentimental, he’d say the connection was more than sex – more than really, really great sex. Jensen rolls fully onto his stomach, and Jared leans over to match the lower curves of their bodies together, gripping tight to Jensen’s thighs for his first hard thrusts.

 

“Too much – _fuck_ , it’s too much, Jare.” 

 

Jensen’s voice penetrates Jared’s lustful haze and pounding rhythm. His boyfriend’s fingers are clenched in the comforter, Jensen’s face tight with arousal rather than pain. Slowing his hips, Jared reaches under Jensen to draw his fingers teasingly along Jensen’s rock-hard shaft, his shiver-tensed muscles on the verge of release.

 

“’S that better, Jen?”

 

Jared’s hips cease completely until Jensen stops trembling, pulling them both away from the edge. As crazy as Jensen’s body can make him, Jared doesn’t want this to be over so soon.

 

With a bitten off groan, Jensen raises up on his forearms, driving himself back onto Jared’s dick.

 

Jared falls forward, open palms smacking on the bed, the close heat of Jensen around him like a vice. “Thought you wanted me to ease up?”

 

“Slow and deep, Jare,” Jensen pushes back again. There’s a dirty laugh when Jared moans. “Not stop all together.”

 

“ _Fuck_ , Jen.” Jared stretches forward, wrapping his arms beneath Jensen, hooking around his boyfriend shoulders and grasping Jensen’s collarbones. “I can do slow,” he whispers right into Jensen’s ear, “and deep.”

 

His chest lays along Jensen’s back, touching from throat to groin, position drawing whimpers and whines from both of them. It’s wet and slick with sweat as they move together; Jared keeps talking low, coarse and dirty, in Jensen’s ear. He keeps his mouth close to those small curves, biting on cartilage and feeling his hot breath bounced back off Jensen’s sensitive flesh. There’s a taut throat, a beautifully arched neck, for Jared to explore while his thighs drive the beat of their coupling.

 

“Mean it, Jen. Nothing feels as good as you.”

 

Jared can see Jensen trying to swallow against his gasp, white teeth digging into his blood darkened lips at Jared’s words. The sounds Jensen can make when they’re frantic and passionate like these are as erotic now as they were months ago – every moan and half-finished plea is a prize. Besides, Jared’s usually got the filthy talk covered.

 

Now though, he can only manage a few muttered and broken thoughts before Jensen’s clenching around his shaft. His boyfriend’s lips are open around words, cries that cannot pass. They’re fucking _each other_ speechless, and Jared would laugh if he could focus on anything beyond Jensen’s body and the way he’s driving into it.

 

With Jensen’s muscles squeezing around him, Jared can’t stop himself from coming. Supporting himself on one hand, he reaches low and strokes Jensen’s leaking shaft in time with his last, frantic thrusts. Jensen tries to rock back, but Jared’s too far gone to appreciate the motions, bearing hard until they’re both coming – Jensen a moment before Jared.

 

Jared spills just as Jensen’s falling forward exhaustedly onto the sheets, last drops landing on Jensen’s tailbone and the sight shouldn’t make Jared want to go a whole other round, but he can’t help it. Stroking himself through the aftershocks, Jared collapses on top of Jensen, quickly rolling to his side and leaving room for Jensen to turn towards him.

 

“So that’s what make-up sex is all about.”

 

Jensen’s a heavy weight on his arm but Jared doesn’t try to move. Collapsed on their backs, Jensen’s using Jared’s outstretched arm as a pillow and their breathing is loud in the otherwise quiet room.

 

“We can do that anytime, only without the fighting first,” Jared pants. He waits to catch his breath, his sides expanding with the deep inhales, and feels Jensen do the same beside him. “This isn’t going to happen again, right?”

 

Without clarifying, the investigator knows what Jared’s talking about. “I can’t say that I’ll never bring my work home with me, but I won’t keep something that concerns you a secret. That’s a promise, Jare.”

 

Jared closes his eyes and smiles, knowing that Jensen’s watching. The simple promise is all he needs to shut the door on that particular issue.

 

“Good, because I don’t think I could take any more. Plus, Mark can’t handle me being so stressed out.”

 

“Was he that pissed off?” Jensen rolls to face him, still keeping Jared’s arm beneath his neck.

 

“Apparently, agents aren’t very happy when their clients refuse to even be available for other projects when they’re not filming.”

 

“Jare…”

 

Jared cuts off the argument. “It’s done, Jensen.”

 

His boyfriend’s mouth opens for a token protest then snaps shut, but Jared’s always been adept at reading Jensen’s eyes. 

 

_I’m glad, thank you._

 

Jared’s brain is trying to convince his body to move, get up and take a shower, but his limbs aren’t in the mood to cooperate. Jensen manages to slide off the bed, slipping back into his boxers and picking up his glasses before walking out of the bedroom. Mustering the effort to at least turn over, Jared grabs a Kleenex from the nightstand and wipes himself off, then falls back onto his pillow.

 

When Jensen gets back, Jared’s eyes are losing the fight to stay open.

 

“I locked up and set the coffee maker.”

 

“You don’t have to go in tomorrow, right?” Jared asks into his pillow, feeling the bed dip when Jensen slides in beside him.

 

“I’m pretty sure Ecklie said he’d fire me if I showed up, unless…”

 

“Mmm, no,” Jared shifts back until he’s pressed along Jensen’s chest. Skin-on-skin is always a good way to get Jensen to shut up. “No ‘unless’, Jen. You’re staying here.”

 

“I know,” Jared feels the sigh on the back of his neck. “There’s still a lot for us to –“

 

Reaching back, Jared grabs Jensen’s arm and wraps it around him. When skin-on-skin isn’t effective, he has to up the ante to cuddling – only to be used in the direst circumstances. Jensen’s protest trails off.

 

“Tomorrow, Jen,” Jared yawns. “It can wait.”

 

The arms around Jared squeeze a little bit tighter.

 

“All right.”

~

They do their best to make up for the day apart. There's a lot to catch up on; with the turmoil, Jared sort of forgot that he'd only gotten back from Los Angeles less than a day before Jensen's revelation split them up again.

 

But it's always been easy for Jared to erase the time apart and he tries to follow that pattern. He can't miss the glances Jensen sends his way every so often throughout the day - when he's ordering lunch from the deli up the street or late at night while he's got DVDs scattered in front of him, trying to pick something to watch. Jared grabs a rented DVD of Gilmore Girls' second season, turning just in time to see Jensen's eyes dart away guiltily before Jared rips into his boyfriend teasingly for daring to have the disc.

 

"I thought you learned your lesson with the movies," Jared grumbles, wisely not commenting on Jensen's blush.

 

His boyfriend sinks into the couch, shrugging off the chiding. "They're way better than looking at old family photo albums."

 

"You're a dirty old man, Jensen."

 

Jared loves Jensen's sly smirks - he won't even try to deny it.

 

"And you're sending this back, tomorrow." The fact that Jensen's smirk doesn't fade means he's already watched it, and Jared groans. "You're not allowed to manage the Netflix list anymore, seriously. Tell me you rented something decent?"

 

They end up agreeing on _Serenity_ , even though they've already seen it three times, when nothing else sounds appealing, and Jared refuses to let Jensen have the Gilmore Girls disc back. He briefly considers breaking it so that there's one less copy circulating in the universe.

 

By the time River's barricaded herself on _Serenity's_ bridge, Jared's having a hard time staying awake and Jensen's head keeps rolling onto his shoulder. A sleepy Jensen can be a revealing one so Jared turns the volume on the television down until it's barely a murmur in the room and fits himself closer against Jensen. It feels a little bad to play dirty like this, but Jensen tried to talk to Jared last night when he was exhausted and sated, which was hardly fair.

 

"Hey, Jensen."

 

"Th'y on Miranda yet?"

 

Jensen's not really watching; his eyes barely open when he turns and presses his face into Jared's chest.

 

"Want to tell me about the nightmares?"

 

Jared feels the subtle tensing of muscles beneath his arm; he gives Jensen a few minutes to evade the question.

 

"What nightmares?"

 

"Jen..." He can hear Jensen's resigned sigh, but Jared's glad when Jensen cuddles closer instead of creating more distance. "They're about me, aren't they?"

 

It might be playing too hard on Jensen's guilt, but if the quiet ploy works...

 

"I thought that if I never told you," Jensen starts quietly, "it wouldn't happen."

 

Jared knows he's talking about the threat, figuring the dreams would have been connected.

 

Jensen keeps whispering, the sound barely louder than the hushed voices from the movie. "At first, I thought I could fix all of this and you wouldn't ever have to find out. And _shit_ ," Jensen huffs, straightening a bit but still leaning against Jared. "I couldn't even do that right. I was so fucking powerless."

 

Jared lets his arm settle around Jensen as a silent, steady support. He hates that he was right, that Jensen would blame himself, but the confession's better in the open than buried deep to fester and scar.

 

Onscreen, _Serenity_ is landing on white-washed Miranda, but it's a blur to Jared. Jensen's voice breaks a little more with every word, but Jared's hold on him never wavers.

 

"I was so happy with the way things were going and I didn't want you to know I'd been lying. You'd leave as soon as I told you. But the nightmares - Jare, they were so awful - you kept disappearing and accusing me of lying to you. Then I realized I couldn't keep it a secret anymore even if it meant you'd walk away from me. And you did. _Fuck_ ," Jensen shakes, remembered heartbreak mixed with justified anger, "you left me in my office and I thought that was it."

 

"But Jensen," Jared tries to stop his rant.

 

"No, you _trusted_ me, Jare. I didn't blame you for walking out on me!" 

 

Jensen tries to sit up but Jared keeps them on the couch. His boyfriend's breath is coming faster, a repeat of last night, and Jared moves his other hand to palm over Jensen's chest.

 

"That's over," Jared says quietly while he waits for Jensen's breath to steady itself. "Jen, we're past that - it's all out in the open now."

 

Hiccupping over a few breaths, Jensen's frantic words slow down. "I can't - I can't lose you."

 

"You didn't. I'm here." Jared leans back into the corner of the large couch, bringing Jensen with him. He feels even worse - he hadn't meant to make Jensen this upset even if Jared knew they hadn't covered everything last night. "Nothing's going to happen to me."

 

He doesn't know why he adds that, but Jared thinks it's something Jensen needs to hear. Smoothing his hands over the soft cotton of Jensen's t-shirt, he lets Jensen stay quiet for a few minutes.

 

"You're everything," Jensen's voice is a low whisper against Jared's neck. "I couldn't give you up."

 

There's something else behind Jensen's voice, some hidden element escaping Jared, but it's not a secret Jared needs to pry out right now. Instinctively he knows that it's best left to be revealed on its own.

 

"Should we - I mean, do you want to talk about anything else?" Jensen sounds weary, or wary of the possibility Jared's going to say yes. There's a lot that they still need to talk about, but Jared's no sadist. The air between them is clearer now - a little bit gained every time.

 

"Nah, let's watch the Reavers get their asses kicked," Jared answers instead, rubbing his cheek against the top of Jensen's head where it lays on his chest. The tension's not broken as easily as it was last night.

 

They lay there until the credits roll and Jensen starts shifting and quietly complaining about the couch. Jared drags his sleepy boyfriend into the bedroom and gives himself the job of locking the house. Jensen's more than half asleep when he finally slides under the sheets and he lets himself lay one hand over Jensen's stomach before Jared drifts off as well.

 

Tomorrow, Jensen's got to go back to work.

 

And he won't be going alone.

~

It’s déjà vu for Jared to walk into the Las Vegas Crime Lab with a cup of his favorite coffee from Beaner’s as Jensen leads the way through the strangely darkened hallways. Jared can feel the stares following him as they walk past all of the glass-walled labs. He doesn't doubt that most of Jensen's team - if not the entire lab - knows what happened a few days ago and Jared shakes his hand, resisting the urge to twine his fingers with Jensen’s to show everyone that yeah, they're okay.

 

The air between Jensen and him isn't light by any means. Coming to the lab means talking about and somehow dealing with the threatening letter, but they're walking into this together. No surprises this time and they'll work through this problem both as actor and investigator and as a couple.

 

Jared knows there are still things that need to be resolved between them. A hurt like this, the fact that Jensen was too scared to share information relevant to Jared’s life, doesn’t disappear that quickly. He's not angry anymore, but there's a lot to work though. Jensen didn't argue when Jared got dressed and jumped in the Tahoe with him tonight. His boyfriend had even stopped for Jared’s caffeine fix without being asked.

 

When they’re alone in Jensen’s office, Jared looks around and immediately notices that things have changed.

 

“Where’d everything go?”

 

Jensen follows his gaze over the cleared walls. All the print outs and photographs that had been so haphazardly hung up before are gone.

 

“Back to the evidence room, where it all should be.” The investigator’s not looking at Jared; he’s not looking at anything really. Jared can see that Jensen’s eyes aren’t focused. “I needed to change my perspective,” he says, voice dropping lower with his confession. “I sort of ripped everything off the walls when you left, but I never put it back up. Being confronted with everything like that,” Jensen sighs, “was only making things worse.”

 

Jared doesn’t know how to respond so he nods and moves to sit in one of the chair’s opposite of Jensen’s desk. With everything else that had piled up, he hasn’t exactly let himself think about the threat since leaving Jensen’s office days ago.

 

“I can’t _not_ be obsessed with this,” Jensen’s saying, sitting behind his desk. “But it’s a case, not a secret.”

 

When Jared smiles, Jensen seems to realize that this particular apology’s been accepted and they can move on.

 

“I have to tell you, Jare, I’m a little shocked that you haven’t freaked out about this yet.”

 

“Oh, I freaked out,” Jared corrects him. “But I couldn’t focus on anything but you and me.”

 

Jensen’s laugh comes out a tad nervous and shaky. “You were more concerned about us than the threat?”

 

“Yeah, but in a way, no,” Jared tries to explain, taking a moment to think. “What was the point of trying to digest this on my own? I’m not the expert here. I didn’t have all the evidence. I needed you before I could try to make sense of anything, so that’s what I decided to fix first.”

 

Even with the desk between them, Jared can see the red tinge flushing Jensen’s cheeks as his boyfriend ducks his head. He didn’t mean for the revelation to be embarrassing – it was nothing but the truth.

 

They spend the next hour crouched over Jensen’s desk after the investigator brings in all of the files associated with Jared’s threat and the previous unsolved murder. Jensen, with infinite patience, goes through every piece of paper and answers Jared’s questions. Through it all, Jensen’s voice is oddly flat – that same emotionless tone Jared hasn’t heard since the night Tom Haviland was taken into custody – but he understands why. Jensen’s trying to keep his emotions from overwhelming the evidence, going through page after page, one gruesome picture after another.

 

Even knowing what he'd see, Jared's not prepared for some of the pictures of John Doe's autopsy. Jensen had told him about the mutilation weeks ago as he'd gripped Jared's hand tightly, pressing bone to tendon beneath his fingers. It's one thing to hear about the cruelty one human can inflict on another - it's entirely different to _see_ the results.

 

When his boyfriend starts talking about ‘protection’ and ‘bodyguards’, Jared stops him as a nagging suspicion jumps into his head. It’s a feeling that’s skirted his awareness ever since Jensen first told him about the threat, ignored in favor of everything else going on.

 

“Jensen,” Jared cuts his boyfriend off mid-explanation. “Stop acting like this is all about me.”

 

“What?” Jensen’s eyes meet his over the papers laid out between them. “I – it is all about you, Jare.”

 

Right then, Jared sees how selfless Jensen’s trying to be. For all of his talk about having Jared for himself, keeping secrets in fear of losing him, Jensen seriously hasn’t thought about the bigger picture in this case.

 

“The threat didn’t come to me,” he tries to explain, carefully choosing words that don’t throw even more guilt on Jensen’s shoulders. “It came to you. Not to the police, not to the crime lab, but to _you_.” The investigator still looks skeptical. “Whoever did this knows the connection between us. Maybe – I don’t think I’m the only target here, Jen.”

 

Jared watches as Jensen looks down at the reports and glossy photographs spread out on the desk. He can see the minute Jensen gets what he’s saying and he’s able to tell immediately when guilt floods into green eyes.

 

“Don’t even think it, Jensen,” he says firmly before Jensen can start apologizing again. “This didn’t happen because of you. I don’t even think it happened because of _me_.”

 

Jared takes a deep breath and tries to articulate what his mind’s been telling him over the last hour.

 

“It’s just – there’s something here that’s bothering me, and I don’t know why I can’t see it.”

 

“These are the full reports,” Jensen says, moving some of the folders aimlessly. “I didn’t leave anything out.”

 

He knows that; Jared had seen the brief, uncomfortable looks crossing Jensen’s face while he looked at crime scene and autopsy photographs from the unsolved murder, knowing he was being granted special access because of his relationship with Jensen.

 

Before Jared can attempt to explain, there’s a knock on the open glass door and Jared spins to see a red-headed woman smirking at both of them.

 

“Hey, Ackles,” she starts with a grin, “I didn’t know it was ‘bring a friend to work’ day.”

 

“Catherine, hey,” Jensen jumps up from his chair and Jared stands too. “This is Jared Padalecki.”

 

“Ah, the infamous boyfriend Greg’s been telling everyone about.”

 

Jensen throws her an annoyed look and Jared ducks his head and smirks; their relationship is far from a secret around the lab. 

 

“And Jared, this is Catherine Willows, another supervisor.”

 

Catherine doesn’t move forward to shake his hand, but her smile’s friendly. “So, Jensen, are you planning on joining us tonight or can I have your salary?”

 

Jared catches the slight competitive edge in her voice, but it’s mostly casual. From what he’s heard about Catherine, this kind of veiled barb isn’t all that uncommon.

 

“No, I think we’re close to finishing up here,” Jensen looks over at him, and Jared nods. As Jensen said, they’d gone over everything, but the strange feelings welling up inside Jared haven’t dispelled. Something’s off, a piece of the puzzle he’s missing. He has the odd suspicion that it’s not an answer for Jensen to provide. “What did you need?”

 

“Ecklie’s been handing out the calls and it’s absurd.”

 

“Is it a busy night already?”

 

“No,” Catherine huffs, “but he has no idea what he’s doing, trying to send all of us out on a single D.B. – look, can’t you just come and handle it?”

 

“Sure, let me just –“

 

Jensen’s interrupted by another visitor knocking and Jared knows exactly who the tall, handsome man in the doorway is.

 

“Jensen – oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to intrude.”

 

If the drawl didn’t make it obvious, the way Nick Stokes looks between Jared and Jensen, eyes speculative but affectionate, would.

 

“You’re not.” Jensen turns back to Catherine. “If it’s a single four-nineteen, take Warrick since he just closed a case, and tell Ecklie I authorized it in case he gives you any grief.”

 

Apparently satisfied, Jared watches Catherine stalk out of the office, leaving the three men awkwardly standing in a circle. 

 

"What did you need, Nick?"

 

The other brunette's eyes flick away from Jared, focusing back on Jensen, and Jared's follow the same track. There's a smile on Jared's boyfriend's face as if he knows what Jared is thinking.

 

"Ecklie told us you were in a meeting," Nick throws a quick, apologetic glance in Jared's direction. "But Greg's got all the reports done for the DNA from the Becker case, and you wanted to see them."

 

"Anything good?"

 

Jared doesn't miss the spark in Jensen's eyes at the mention of another case - one that's not emotionally kicking the shit out of him - or the matching humor in Nick's brown eyes.

 

"You really want me to ruin the surprise?"

 

Jared doesn't interrupt their back-and-forth, taking the time to check Nick out without being obvious. He's got the same build as Jen, a little shorter, but broad and strong. His black, knit polo shirt is stretched tight over his shoulders, down to a narrow waist. Dark, soft-looking jeans ending at....

 

"What's with the shoes, Nick? Where are your boots?"

 

Nick looks down sheepishly at the clean, bright red, striped sneakers when Jensen points them out. "My birthday's next week," he drawls and Jared can hear the Texan _aw-shucks_ in his voice. "Greg gave 'em to me as an early present, told me they'd 'spiff up' my style."

 

"He takes offense at the fact your wardrobe consists of three colors?" Jensen laughs, and Jared can't help but be a tiny bit glad that the serious expression's gone from his boyfriend's face, eyes now crinkled with amusement.

 

"I guess so. You think they're too much?"

 

"What Greg wants, Greg gets," is the only answer Jensen gives Nick. "I don't think you actually have a choice."

 

Jared’s heard all about Nick from quiet conversations with Jensen. After three months, their pasts are being revealed bit by bit, binding Jared and Jensen together with more than just lust and attraction. He doesn’t bristle when Nick and Jensen’s light office banter continues. For all their history, Nick’s never hurt Jen – would _never_ hurt him if Jared’s hearing the affection in Nick’s voice correctly. Jensen is meant for someone else and that means Nick is, too. God’s not cruel to Texan boys.

 

“Go on ahead and I’ll meet you there in a few minutes,” Jensen’s finishing.

 

“Sure thing, man. Hey, Jared, it was good to actually meet you.” Unlike Catherine, Nick takes Jared’s hand in a warm, friendly shake. “And hey, if you’re back around when Ackles gets off, you should come out to breakfast with us."

 

Jared and Nick both look to Jensen and he nods.

 

“You know I don’t pass up pancakes.” It’s good to see the honest smile on Jensen’s face even if Jared’s not solely responsible for putting it there. “Jare?”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

“Right, I’ll meet you in Greg’s lab, Ackles.”

 

Nick slaps the frame with his palm when he walks out, shutting the door behind him.

 

“Guess I need to let you work.”

 

“Jare –“

 

“It’s fine.” And it is. They’ve worked through a lot – not everything by any means – but they can stop and take time to process. Jared’s head is already filled to bursting. Anymore and he’ll be mush for the rest of the night. “Can I have the keys?”

 

Jensen grabs the Tahoe’s key but doesn’t drop it in Jared’s upturned palm. He closes their hands together instead and draws Jared into a soft, relatively chaste, kiss. If his boyfriend didn’t have that pesky rule about messing around at the lab, Jared would have chased Jensen’s tongue back into his mouth and refused to let him go back to work. As it is, Jensen pulls away, leaving Jared with the keys.

 

“Are you heading home?”

 

“I might stop at the store on the way, but yeah. Still have some phone calls to make anyway.”

 

“Hopefully I’ll be done around seven or seven-thirty so you can pick me up. No one lets me stay late with paperwork if we’re going out for breakfast.”

 

“I’ll be here.”

 

Jensen walks him out to the front desk and Jared gives a quick wave to Diana, calling out a quick greeting when the petite blonde says hello.

 

After that, Jared’s alone again.

~

Jared stops on the way home, but not at the grocery store.

 

Pulling the Tahoe up to the curb, he parks and looks around the quiet subdivision. He’s a few miles from Jensen’s house, but this neighborhood’s wide sidewalks and detailed landscaping make it a favorite jaunt during Jared’s runs.

 

Across the street is a low, adobe style ranch home. It’s an inconspicuous dwelling – the architecture matches so many of the other homes in the area - but it’s the sculpture standing sentinel in the gravel yard that sticks out. Jared had recognized the graceful curves of wrought iron and stone immediately when Jensen showed him a larger copy of the picture their maniac had sent.

 

At this time of night, most families are inside and the street is relatively empty. Jared’s eyes sweep back and forth around the nondescript neighborhood, but nothing jumps out at him. There’s a power box caddy-corner to the house with the sculpture, surrounded by chain link fence draped in bright warning signs from the electrical company. It’s the perfect structure for someone to hide behind – the angle exactly matching what Jared saw in the photograph.

 

But there’s no one hiding there now, just a fluorescent street light illuminating the empty sidewalk in front of the box.

 

Jared waits ten more minutes before driving away.

~

A week later, Jared’s back staring at the sculpture with only the moon for lighting. The sunroof on his truck is open, but there’s nothing but silence surrounding him. No animal sounds, no wind, no whir of air conditioners or generators.

 

He doesn’t startle when the passenger door opens and Tom Haviland steps up into the front seat, orange jumpsuit clashing with Jared’s dark, grey upholstery. There’s _just_ enough light for Jared to see his reflection in the aviator sunglasses that Tom’s wearing.

 

_Jay man_.

 

“Tom, why aren’t you in prison?”

 

_Prison’s not so bad. Better in than out._

 

Tom’s grin is far from friendly, twisting just this side of maniacal. 

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

_I owe you, Jay man._

 

“Tom?”

 

The shaggy-haired blonde turns to look out the window, taking in the house with its twisted, cruel looking metal sculpture, and the electrical box, now freed of the chain link fence. The deep shadows around the structure are moving, bending and blending into each other, though there's no wind to speak of and no one else around.

 

When the movie star turns back, Jared sees himself in the sunglasses again. 

 

There’s blood dripping down the side of his face from gashes that cut cleanly through his skin. The thick, red liquid curls into his dimples and runs into the corner of Jared’s mouth.

 

And that’s when he screams.

 

Jensen’s sitting up beside him in a split second, rubbing his back while Jared coughs through his fit. The nightmare took Jared by surprise but Jensen’s there, solid and breathing deeply next to him, trying to calm him down.

 

Five minutes tick by before Jared’s breathing slows to normal and Jensen reaches out to turn Jared’s chin. Green eyes are pained; the expression’s so similar to Jared’s when he held Jensen shaking through his own night terrors. Helplessness, worry, and panic mixed with the desire to do something – _anything_ – to help.

 

“Jare…”

 

But he doesn’t let Jensen speak. 

 

Maybe it’s the dream, or maybe it’s the fact that with their relationship back on steady ground, Jared can think again. He can process something besides saving what they have. Long blocked memories and hidden details assault him.

 

“Jen I – I think I remembered something.”

 

“Remembered what?”

 

Jared turns wide eyes on his boyfriend.

 

“I need to go and see Tom.”

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_He keeps asking me why. Not so much asking as gargling. It’s difficult to articulate past the blood clogging in his throat._

_After the first few days, it’s the only question left._ Why? __

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_He doesn’t understand that the answer is meaningless to someone like him. He’ll never be more than the lies that he tells, the blood that he spills, the wasted flesh that comes so easily off bone and muscle._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_Large brown eyes keep watching as I draw the whetstone across my knife. I do this for him. Dull blades are messy and painful, but he’s shaking, terrified as each pass of the stone flattens microscopic teeth, sharpening the knife._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_He shouldn’t be so scared. The last one was so resigned by now. He knew he was never leaving this room, but this man still has hope. Soon, he’ll understand that all of this is meant to help him. To cure him._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_And when he’s gone, it’ll be time for another. I cannot have the one I want, the biggest threat of them all, so I’ll settle for the other. For the one who can’t help but corrupt an honest man. If I cannot cure the demon I want, I’ll protect an honest man instead._

_But I have time, yet. My job here isn’t finished._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_Whiiiiiissssk._

_It will be over soon._

 

 

**FIN.**

 

 

All right, this sets us up for the final piece of the series - **And The Darkness Is A Mystery of Curves and Lines** \- coming sometime after Big Bang!

 

Feedback is very welcome!


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